The Why of
All-Smiles
Heart Coaching and Healing
We all have a story, a journey, something we tell about why we are the way we are. Why we do the things that we do. The whys of what makes us. My story is something that I've known I will tell. However, trying to get it just right and get all the details, is overwhelming. As well as figuring out how I want it to look. I've realized it doesn't matter how it looks, just that I'm doing it. As well as if I want to change my mind, I can and I will. This little section is a space for me to in my crazy, messy, and un-traditional form share parts of my why. Allow space for things to change and grow. Because if we can be sure of one thing in our lives, Its that everything changes. Thank you for showing up and being willing to enter a space of unknowing. I am not sure where my life is heading, I do know where I have been and how some moments and events have shifted and changed me.
ANGELS ABOVE-
"Run Run River,
Carry Me Home.."
-Stick Figure
2-6-2023
“The Angels they sing that they love me”... -Stick Figure
I'd love to be able to connect the deep feeling and meaning that this quote and song have for me. However I don’t know if it's even possible to really describe to someone the connection that I have. The connection to love, to peace, to my Angels. I feel like for years I have been searching and literally traveling, trying to figure out what it was that I was missing and what was calling from inside.
I remember my brother Jace and I being so excited for the album to come out from one of our fav artists. It had been a long time since they had released anything. The album is so good. When I first heard this song's lyrics, for “Angels Above Me” , I cried and cried. I connected with this song so deeply the first time I heard it and didn’t really know why. It was months later and I remember sitting in the car talking to my husband as the song came on and I told him, “this will be my brothers funeral song.” The words flew out of my heart so fast I didn't know what was happening. At that time my youngest brother was in the middle of his addiction. Things were really bad and I wasn’t sure if or when he would get better. I remember sitting at the stoplight after I spoke those words and just crying feeling so deeply that there would be a connection to this song that I would be so thankful for. As well as an ache every time I heard it but that the lyrics would show up to remind me and carry me in times that I really needed them to.
Which is exactly what this song has done. As I sat down a few nights ago to start the intro on my website page. I had music playing and the second song that randomly shuffled on was this song. It was one of those moments that I’ve had many of. When my heart skips, my soul fires up, I smile, sometimes I sob ( like ugly cry) and I remember just how close my brother really is. Jace has been an instrumental piece in my journey as well as a giant motivation for why I want to do what I do. I know had he had different healing opportunities and options available his last few years may have been different.
I truly believe that if we can learn to connect with our hearts to hear our intuition and to follow those things that we will live a much fuller life .Our greatest source of healing and connection is our own hearts. I feel that as we connect within ourselves we will find all our answers. I also believe that we get to shed our limiting beliefs and conditioning and work through the old stories and patterns that we have in our lives. For some reason we seem to think that has to be hard. That we have to set an hours and hours of therapy and work through all the traumatic things that happened to us.
For me, sitting and talking about all the things that happened with something that I wasn’t able to do. Because my addiction wasn’t a substance my addiction was disassociation. I don’t know if that is better or worse because for years I didn’t live in the present moment. I don’t have memories of my childhood, and even most of my adulthood. I lived a life that I just showed up and went through the motions. Things are a lot different now, I love the life I live now. I have Grace and gratitude for who I was, and the life I have lived.